Boundaries.

On Sunday, I was coaching a recreational tumble class, Intro and Level 1. If you’re unfamiliar with the sport, typically that age group is anywhere from 5 to 11 year olds who are ‘new’ to tumbling.

As we are halfway through our stations, a seven year old athlete walked over to me and said, ‘Ummm. Miss..Coach Myka. Susie Beth always rolls her eyes at me each week and it hurts my feelings!’

My brain immediately went into a life coach mode.

I got down on my knees to be eye level with her and said, ‘You need to go up to her and let her know exactly how you feel. That is the only way she will stop doing that to you.’ Of course, this seven year old has no idea what the heck I am talking about and looks beyond frightened. I am sure she is more so used to a coach or an adult figure simply saying, ‘Oh! Don’t worry about it.’

When I realized that this seven year old was not about to walk over and express her feelings to Susie. I got a bit more serious and said, ‘You need to do this. This is what you call boundaries. In your life there are going to be people who do things to you all the time that you do not like, and until you speak up to them it will continue. It will always hurt your feelings. Do you want me to tell you what to say?” She nodded her head, still a bit anxious but more accepting.

I stated, ‘‘I do not like it when you roll your eyes at me. It really hurts my feelings each week. Can you please stop? Now go over there and tell her.” This child is absolutely terrified, y’all!

She's probably never in her life done this before. However, I continued to encourage her and told her she couldn't go back to her station until it was done. She took a deep breathe, and did the bravest thing one can do before trying something new…asked me to come with her so she could feel safe in her expression.

“Susie Beth! Grace wants to tell you something.’

‘I do not like it when you roll your eyes at me. It hurts my feelings. Can you please stop?’ Grace said with a tremble in her voice.

‘Yes….’ Susie Beth responded.

Grace skipped right over to her front roll station without even saying thank you. And Susie Beth just looked at me like a grown woman, as her eyes called me an instigator. I told her, ‘Thank you!’ she said, ‘You’re welcome!’

…………

These kids make me laugh, make me want to pull my hair out, and sometimes out smart me.

When I went to go check on Grace I asked her, in my fun, bubbly, playful Coach Myka voice, ‘Did she beat you up? Did she eat you up and spit you out? Did she get angry?’ Grace laughed loudly and said, ‘No!’ I gave her a hug and told her how proud I was of her for establishing and boundary.

She flopped right over on the mat and did a front roll I pretend not to see.

Both of those athletes walked away with new skills that day.

That’s what coaching is to me. Do I want every single one of the athletes who walks through my door to cheer on the collegiate level or make Team USA? Yes, of course! What coach doesn't want that from their athletes? However, taking a moment to hear what the athlete is telling you and coaching them through what they are experiencing in their life is what really matters.

As a coach, if I am training their bodies why am I not simultaneously training their minds?

Before bed, I chuckled at the situation again before bursting into tears and saying out loud, ‘This is what it looks like to change the world. I am changing the world.’

Can you imagine if at seven years old you would have known what the word boundary means, is and how to execute one? I just learned it two years ago in a therapy session and through a book called, Set Boundaries. Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself by Nedra Glover Tawwab.

Boundaries will set you free.

Names have been changed to protect the innocence of all athletes. No made up character’s name is a reflection of the actual athlete’s race, gender, religion, sexual orientation or self-identification. All athletes are innocent until proven guilty. Once proven guilty, we will teach them how their decisions and choices effect those around them and themselves to ensure better choices are made in the future.